The Sailor’s Shoulder Hurts

Sailor: I got my flu shot today. My should hurts and it’s hot **starts rubbing his shoulder**

Me: That’s a bummer.

Sailor: **Groans**

Me: Oh stop.

Sailor: I might become an anti-vaxer, this sucks.

Me: Well, it’s been a good run. Guess we’ll have to get divorced now because I can’t accept that.

Sailor: I AM GOING TO HAVE AUTISM NOW!

Me: You’re seriously making me angry. Stop.

Sailor: You don’t know! Prove it! You can’t! Don’t come at me with your science and facts either. LIES!

Me: People actually believe that shit that you’re saying you know.

Sailor: Well, people are dumb.

#shitthesailorsays

My Throw Pillows

The Sailor and I were watching “The Intern” starring Robert De Niro and Anne Hathaway. There is a scene where the widower, Ben, that De Niro plays takes in a young fellow intern into his home to loan him a room after his parents kick him out while he finds his first apartment. As he gives the young man a tour, the young man sees his perfect made bed with decorative throw pillows and comments, “I like that you do the throw pillow thing” and Ben replies, “I was married for a very long time…” and nods kind of sadly…

Me: *Sitting, cocooned by all my feathery throw pillows…* Babe, after I die will you keep all my throw pillows around?

Sailor: Ha, no.

Me: BABE!!

Sailor: Well I mean maybe as fire starters for my bonfires…

#ShitTheSailorSays