And here’s what you missed on tonight’s sweatin’ after dark, night walk.
I was approached by 3 slow moving zombies tonight. Turns out they were just 3 mildly intoxicated women also getting an evening walk in. They were so convincing though, that I almost turned around and started to briskly walk the opposite direction. I didn’t but, whilst in the midst of my internal debate over fight or flight, I made a wrong turn and promptly got lost in my small neighborhood. Thankfully my cell had full battery (surprising) and was glued to my hand (not surprising).
While navigating my way back to familiar roads, there was a rustle in the shrubs road side followed by a growl. Assuming a black bear had wandered into the burbs of Virginia Beach and I was about to die, I jumped, screamed and inadvertently threw my phone at it. Thankfully I heard the familiar sound of my Otter Box connecting with metal and not furry flesh. My “bear” turned out to be a neighbor’s AC unit coming to life. Also thankfully, my GPS was still lighting up my phone and telling me to turn left in a quarter of a mile repeatedly so, I was able to locate it in the shrubs easily. Embarrassingly, the home owner happened to be out side having a smoke when this bear attack occurred. Having heard my yelp and phone chucking he asked into the night if I was OK or needed help. This forced my hand to lie by saying I had just stumbled and was fine. If he knew my fib, he was gentleman enough to not laugh until I was out of ear shot.
As I rounded a familiar bend, a man in a pick up truck came to a stop next to me. I immediately assumed I was about to end up in a hole in some creeper’s basement being told to put the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again. The driver of the truck must have seen the look of fear on my face and readiness to bolt when in the nicest southern drawl said, “I’m sorry to scare ya ma’m but, could ya tell me how the hell ya get outta this dang neighborhood? I just gave a friend a ride home and he was in no state to give me directions and my cell is dead.” I quickly gave him directions to the nearest main drag which he was very grateful for and told me so. I, in turn, told him I was grateful that he had stopped to ask for directions and not to abduct me. That’s when things got awkward. He kindly ignored my stellar abduction comment, thanked me a final time then pulled away harmlessly.
And finally, I walked into the back of a parked SUV while looking up at the night sky. And no, I don’t want to discuss that matter.