Here are the observations and happenings from this evenings post nightfall walk:
1. Certain roads in my neighborhood don’t have street lights. After this evening I will remember which ones and avoid them after dark. My vivid imagination during the very dark stretches included but were not limited to rapists, murders, rabid raccoons, patient zero of the zombie apocalypse, children of the corn, and the general deranged. Yes, I live in the burbs less then a mile from a Naval base, what is your point?
2. A lightening bug flew directly into my forehead so hard it stung. I then proceeded to make up a short story (between all the tragic death scenarios envisioned from observance número uno of course) about that lightening bug escaping bug prison, being chased by a bounty hunter bat, narrowly escaping the death glass of the 4 wheeled Japanese monster by the name of Honda only to die a unceremonious death by flying into my forehead. I might turn that into a dark children’s book a la Tim Burton so don’t steal that shit.
And finally…
3. There was a young woman sitting on what I can only assume was her front porch obvious talking on the phone. The first time around the block all I heard was murmuring at a low tone. The second (or third, or tenth, shit who knows) time around she suddenly burst out with, “He’s not cute and funny! He’s ugly! And stupid! And his kids are ugly and you can’t marry him or you will be miserable with ugly kids!” As I walked, mouth agape, into the circle of light from the nearing street light, there was a quiet gasp, creak of a screen door and subsequent slam tel tale of a person making a hasty entrance. Listen girlfriend, I feel ya. We have all been there. Your friend thinks he’s the cat’s pajamas but really he’s a gross cat turd. Kudos to you for saying what we have all thought in some way or another of a friends choice of beau. Too bad you were in the shadows. I kinda want to be your friend, my fellow Doctor with a PhD in KIR.
Paddle Your Own Damn Canoe 